When two characters have sex in a movie, it always seems so perfect. Everyone’s magically lubricated from the get-go. Both people come at the exact same time. And at the end, the couple starts cuddling immediately—no cleanup necessary.
Of course, it doesn’t happen that way in the real world. Sex is great, but it’s also filled with so many awkward moments we never see in the movies, let alone talk about amongst each other.
Well, a recent Reddit thread set out to change that. It asked people: “What are the ‘not so fun’ parts of sex that no one talks about?”
Reader, the answers are hilarious—and extremely relatable. Here are some of the highlights.
Stray pubes came up in conversation.
Redditor isamario complained about “fishing out the pube from your mouth after going down on someone.” Thankfully, a fellow commenter swooped in with a genius solution: “If you get one during, lick the inner thigh to wipe get the stray out of your mouth.”
People with penises and vaginas bonded over the challenges of spreading the labia.
“When they don’t [spread]… And everything isn’t wet yet and they try to jam it in and the labia goes along for a very dry painful ride? Oof,” oniraa wrote. Labia owners pointed out its painful for them, too, and shared stories of trying to mitigate that discomfort. “YES. This happens to me way too often and I have to reach down to pretend like I’m playing with myself when I’m actually rescuing my poor labia then making sure it’s still attached,” xpoloroidx said.
How about those awkward fart noises?
We don’t mean actual farts, but rather the fart noises that happen when your bodies rub up against each other in certain ways—like an armpit fart, but between two people. “I’m a little concave in the chest, and sometimes when we are close an air pocket happens and it makes the best fart sound ever,” odnadevotchka wrote.
Oh god, sweating. Just so much sweating.
“If you’re like me, you sweat fairly easily, so being on top means I’m dripping off my face and usually it landing in or around my girlfriend’s eyes and mouth,” tsquaredp said. “We’ve often talked about a sweatband, but I’m not sure if it would increase passion or cause laughter.” (Hey, maybe it could be both?)
Many folks agreed that shower sex ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
“Shower sex actually kinda sucks. water is not lube, nowhere is comfortable, hot water runs out,” ChefHannibal said. (It’s true that shower sex can be super awkward, but it can also be pretty hot if you try these positions!)
People talked about the awkward moment of pulling out after you come.
“My girlfriend doesn’t seem to be a fan of that moment afterwards when gravity finally takes over and her gift from me to her comes out,” wrote HanabiraAsashi. “She kinda freezes like a toddler pooping in their diaper while standing. I think it’d hilarious, she does not.”
What do you do about pets?
Redditor WillTwerkForFood1 complained about “having to push pets away that wont get off the bed and just sit there staring at you.” And sure, that sounds awkward, but it’s nothing compared to this story from verymerry19: “My dog jumped up on the bed once and licked my partner’s ass. Not great for the mood.”
What do you do with the “butt finger”?
Iforgothowtoeat wrote: “Trying to gracefully avoid touching other bodily areas with the butt finger.” The “butt finger,” of course, is the finger that once traveled inside your partner’s behind. One commenter suggested putting baby wipes by the bed.
People also spoke to the challenges of putting away and cleaning your sex toys.
“Inflating/deflating your partner,” dlordjr wrote. It was probably a joke, but hey, some people are really all about that sex doll life.